All things are created equal, so here at the Lens all are treated as such. From General Stanley McChrystal to Sergeant Forrest Gump. From Clyde Drexler to the dancing criminal Tom Delay. All equally connected in their own goofy Karma Chameleon kind of way.
Which of course brings us to Tommy Lee…
Tommy’s no literary giant, but 8 out of 10 conservative Texans are able to tell you why he’s called tripod.
Your Saturday autobiographical reading with relevant musical accompaniment, is brought to you by Will Forte and Dolly Madison. Will reads a portion of Tommy Lee’s chapter from, The Dirt: Confessions of the Worlds Most Notorious Rock Band…better known as Motley Crue.
The Homeland is full of illegals. Slow witted ones at that.
We had it all wrong. The Mexican was not our enemy. To be fair though, thine enemy was a similar shade of human. It was The Lakotah and various unrecognized tribes like the deadly dangerous Duwamish, that we should have kept a closer eye on.
Yes my well-armed patriot brothers, the fix is in. While we were busy posturing against the FEMA Camps for Whitey, and preparing for the ACORN Gulags for guys named Brad, John and Ocean, by blowing up mud huts in the Middle East…the Homeland has been taken over from within. I fear our Vigilance was for naught.
Strange things are happening patriots. Strange things like Sherman Alexie being in Bend, Oregon, again, to steal the affection of their women with his correct usage of our language. Sherman also confused the gathered white men with his knowledge of basketball, quick wit and autographed copies of War Dances.
I guess this explains how Sherman was able to once again, talk about masturbating Indians who frequent the Les Schwab in Prineville. Damn he’s good!
President Obama is also down with the Alexie conspiracy. Mr. Obama held a secret meeting at the Interior Department on the 5th of November. During this secret meeting of Government, Tribes and liberals, Mr. Obama said these words…
“It is a history marked by violence and disease and deprivation. Treaties were violated. Promises were broken.” He continued, “You were told your lands, your religion, your cultures, your languages were not yours to keep. And that is a history that we have got to acknowledge if we are to move forward.”
Violated treaties, broken promises, deprivation and disease? What in Gods name is next? Affordable healthcare!?
Be vigilant patriots, for no craps table or sold out Loverboy concert is safe. Blowing up children in far away lands will no longer keep us safe. Shopping at Walmart and eating irradiated hamburger will.
I don’t know, but I’m positive I’ve witnessed something similar on more than 15 occasions, in or near various drinking establishments from Spokane to San Antonio to Bremerton, Portland, Seattle and Olympia…with a few stops in Nevada and what I think may have
been Mississippi.
A slurred version of French was also the language of the day at every bar, tavern and dive I can remember being at.
Why Patrick Swayze was there too? I’ll never know.
Matt and his East Coast news maker-uppers missed out on making up some West Coast news. They’ve got Fox, NBC and the Washington Times. We’ve got the Seattle Times and Susan Hutchison.
So… the big news maker-uppers swarmed to Maine and their gay marriage law, like a leaky Judith Miller story about a covert CIA Agent and the good wars.
The bigger story was in Washington State, where evidently it’s now okay for humans in Washington State, to have the same rights as other humans…no matter whom they choose to sleep with. Judith and Matt Lauer be damned!
The most shocking aspect of Ref. 71 and it’s equality for humans? It has got to be that 2,118 people voted for it in Asotin County. You folks have truly pissed off Ken Hutcherson now.
The biggest losers of the most important election our nation has ever, EVER witnessed? Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck and Tim Eyman. All three are very good at two things, fornicating and losing.
Sarah and Glenn lost the Republican House seat in the race for NY-23. This will be the first time since Civil War days, that a spineless Democrat will hold the seat. Tim Eyman, the professional watch salesman turned professional initiative pusher for Michael Dunmire…went and lost again. I sense some loser fornication is at hand!
According to Matt Lauer’s big news maker-uppers , this election should have Democrats and Obama pissing themselves with fear. I agree. The Democrats now own the Bush wars and the Bush war crimes and if there is a God that is not owned by Wall Street…the complicit Democrats will pay for their complicity.
Yeah buddy, the magic of off-year elections. Or as Sarah once said to Levi, if you wanna role in my Mercedes…Then turn around! Stick it out!
As I suspected, Homeland Security is not really into securing the Homeland…as the insane Representative Virginia Foxx and Representative Michele Bachman, her co-conspirator of a mind-numbingly stupid human, were not arrested last night by 2100hrs…guess we know who runs the country now.
No sane 9 to 5 working Boeing union member is safe.
Guess we’d better just accept our fate. Never ending wars on whomever has stuff we want, Mexicans, poopy words in songs on the radio and common sense.
Hey it’s not all bad news! Humans who still occasionally use common sense in their everyday lives, can pick up the re-released and remastered edition of Nirvana’s Bleach…today!
Freedom is at stake patriots! Fear! Bowel gurgling diarrhea of fear ought to be spewing out of you and on to your coveralls of freedom!!
Fear it!! Be afraid!! Feeeaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr…..
This bowl of horse shit comes to us from Representative Virginia Foxx of you guessed it, North Carolina.
Virgina says she is afraid, her people are afraid and you’d better be afraid too…because healthcare reform is a bigger threat than any terrorist our country now faces. Yes healthcare reform. It’s exponentially more dangerous and frightening than ACORN, Code Pink and the Taliban combined!
Representative Virginia not only talks funny, she is actually a member of the House of Representatives.
Here’s what should happen. If Homeland Security does not arrest this criminally insane piece of shit by 2100hrs tonight…you’d better start being afraid. Because if Representative Virginia Foxx is allowed to walk around freely after 2100hrs tonight…
Weeellllll let’s just say affordable healthcare might just be the least of your worries.
So our second attempt at a presidential election in Afghanistan did not go so well. As 24 of you may already know, Karzai was recently “elected” as the commander in chief of our newest acquisition nation building project. Unfortunately, the Afghan Al Gore known as Abdullah Abdullah, said that the election was a fraud and has refused to participate in it.
Sounds vaguely familiar, don’t it.
Could you folks at the State Department try a bit harder to make our actions in that region…appear somewhat legitimate?
In other Bush related news…Dick Cheney can recite, verbatim, the entire 8 years of what he was doing, who he was doing it to and who was next, but he cannot remember anything about his outing of a covert CIA agent.
Color me unsurprised and purple with engorged envy.
“MovingOn” …For a dash of reality and some words you will not hear on most other Homeland approved news programs, check out Bill Moyers and Glenn Greenwald. Go right here to see the entire interview.
In addition to pointing out that everything you think you know about our involvement in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq is wrong, keep a keen ear out for Bill Moyers to udder two words that scares the Jesus out of every patriot in this here country…The Draft!
Only here in puritanical Merica or puritanical Saudi Arabia, will you find a steady stream of outraged humans, outraged over the bearing of outrageous breasts, during a breast cancer awareness segment on the teevee news.
Outrageous!
Coincidentally, only here in Merica will you find more self identifying Republicans, outrageously outraged, over yet another claim of Representative Norm Dicks being probed for money laundering. Or, Dicks scrutinized and probed by ethics, if you’re Les Blumenthal of the Tacoma News Tribune.
Look retards, breasts are not evil fun bags filled with Satan’s nectar. Nor is Representative Norm Dicks the only member of the K Street Congress, known to pass out industry hand jobs to those who will pay for them. Dicks is a semi-firm member of the old boys club, to which hand jobs for lobbyists are business as usual.
Democrats are the new Republicans, Republicans are the foot soldiers in the war on everything. And breasts.
In other words dear retards, when you see millions of peace-loving Democrats take to the streets, demanding an end to the Pretend Wars on Company Terrorists and screaming for the arrests of our torture endorsing, war criminal politicians…then you’ll have something to bitch about.
