Now that Gillette has dumped the frequently fornicating Tiger Woods, perhaps Gillette could use a new spokes-human that speaks to the millions of unemployed, underemployed and underrepresented, who inhabit the Homeland.
Yes I’m available…
You know Gillette, the world is inhabited by millions upon millions of assorted geeks, dorks and malcontents, who could care less about Tiger and his wandering 3 iron.
I shall be their leader. As it pertains to shaving.
Only here in Puritanicalville can sooo many offended Americans and corporate sponsors, suddenly take offense to Tiger and his
wandering penis.
I say let his penis wander wherever it wants. I could care less about Tiger and his wood.
Puritanical Americans getting upset about humans making ‘kamillions’ by hitting a tiny white ball all over a lovely manicured grassy field?
Whoring for Gatorade and Cadillac?
The fact that George W Bush and Karl Rove still walk freely
amongst us?
Yeah, not so much.
Perhaps if bakers, dishwashers and your city sewer maintenance humans made ‘kamillions’ of dollars a year, just doing their jobs, coupled with flour, sponge and hickory plow endorsements…Puritanicalville might worship harder working heroes.
And of course, we would then not give one flying fuck where these humans stick their penises.
Kind of like this, but not quite…
Back when my feet are dry. Be Vigilant.
No I’m not having an acid flashback, though I would probably welcome one. It’s actually just your Sunday flannel shirt/Seattle grunge via Ellensburg…music flashback.
The time, 1992. Place, David Letterman Show. The Screaming Trees and their hair visit Dave, who still had some hair of his own.
Don’t ask. I won’t tell.
Belongs to…Representative Joe Wilson from the great state of fornication, South Carolina. Joe had a message for the President.
You can bet on a used Governor Mark Sanford condom, that Republican Joe was this close, to adding that Teabagging/Birther word of choice to the end of his outburst.
I’ll give you one guess as to what that descriptive Birther/Bagger/GOP word of choice for President Obama is…
God bless you Republicans! You make this so fucking easy.
In fact, it’s almost too easy. Like someone wants us to forget about illegal wars, torture, Wall Street, our jobs, free roaming war criminals and Blackwater.
Well isn’t that interesting?
It’s almost September 2009. Do you know where your lefty went?
I know they’re still around, because I see their sticker plastered cars sporting the no meat, no Bush and MoveOn.org stickers to signify their activeness in some type of email campaign.
If you’re lucky, you might spot a hybrid flying the Kucinich sticker of progressiveness. This always makes my day.
So here’s to you my sedated lefty friends! Keep sending those emails and make sure to attend a health care debate, because torture, wars old and new, just can’t happen…without you!
The world will suffer needlessly. For example, see the last several hundred years and Karl Rove.
In today’s news of Alopecia suffering apes who rule the world, Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno has been sentenced to 6 lashes with a rattan cane, for drinking a beer. Seems a bit harsh, but when you consider our invasion of Iraq or the second coming of Brett Favre…
I don’t know, perhaps if giraffes had won the evolutionary lottery, the world would have been a far better place.
Albert Einstein once said, only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.
To that I can only add, never, ever steal Fizzy Lifting drinks from
Mr. Wonka…
Good day sir!
